People will let you down. I thought I had one person who wouldn't lie to me. Wrong. The worst part is when you find out wayyy too late to be justifiably mad. But you're still mad.
There is a slew of nasty things going through my head about what I would do to get even (for instance a plate of delicious cookies that you loved so much, oops! Didn't tell you there were enough laxatives in there for a horse!)
But it's all just venom. Toxic. Unnecessary. I am trying to become the person who turns the other cheek, forgives and forgets, but it is more difficult than I could have imagined.
I wrote him a letter (unsent, like I do with many people) About a month before the breakup. All it said was "I want to get married, but not to you". I'm glad I realized it when I did. And once again it can be confirmed that my gut instinct is ALWAYS correct.
Had a dream last night that I had a baby. A little boy. And I love the dreams that feel so real you can almost touch them, every cell in your body can feel the emotion. It was beautiful. He was perfect.
Part two of the same dream was that I went back to work. But not in ortho.... back to the coffee shop! However it quickly turned into a nightmare when I realized I had forgotten how to make every drink!
Had an epiphany on the way to work yesterday. I decided to take the entire drive silently. Crazy I know! No Cd's, no ipod, no xm, no regular radio, who would subject themselves to such depravity?! I decided that there is so much noise in our daily lives that we miss some of the most important things. Just to sit for twenty-five minutes to be alone with my thoughts was so refreshing. I've decided to take a day this week and have an "external noise free day". No computer (gah!) no TV, no music, no car. If I want to get anywhere I will be walking. If I need some entertainment I will go for a walk in the woods and take in the beauty. I need more days like these. I think I miss quite a few important things when I fill my life with "extras".
This will bring me to the end of my rant, and I wish you all will have a very lovely Wednesday.
2 comments:
You are braver than I am. I thought of writing a letter to people who have hurt me in the past or let me down, but I never got pass the 'Dear John'.
Anyway, I'm glad that you have had time to think and refresh. I think I'll try the 'drive to work with no sound'. When it is peacful you can think better. Thanks for the idea. I hope you don't mind if I use it.
:) *HUG*
Not at all use away!!!
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