OK, so, for those of you who have already heard this story, you thought it was tragically amusing. I must share with the rest of you.
Last weekend I found myself sitting at one of my fave little downtown cafes, waiting for a "semi-blind date" to show up. What I knew was that he was tall dark and handsome, 30-ish, very intelligent, liked good music, and just happened to be a doctor. Yahoo! Right? Yeah, I'm never that lucky.
I knew I was in trouble when I saw him walking to my table.
Short, chubby, and hadn't brushed the tumbleweed of hair on his scalp or shaved in about a week. The god-awful cargo pants he wore were tucked into his snow boots (yes, legit snow boots) and the laces were undone.
Now to make matters worse, he sat down and said nothing.
I decided to get the ball rolling with
"Tell me a little bit about yourself."
Apparently he took that as
"Please tell me all about your seventy year-old fathers vasectomy, your half sisters- one of whom is a 'recovered' meth addict, and the other a raging alcoholic."
Conversation also included stories from his residency- like this one time during surgery a fellow doctor passed out (face-first) into an open patient on the operating table.
How he was featured on a science mag as an infant, because he is a "miracle" of science, due to his fathers aforementioned snip-and-clip.
There is more, but you get the idea.
To put a little icing on the cake, he had the odd habit of breaking out into random song, and bouts of air-drums. His favorite Seal song happened to come on the radio, and he HAD to sing along with that one as well.
At this point, I am making a visual plea with the waitress, that if she takes pity on any tortured soul today, please let it be mine.
She quickly brought over the check.
To add insult to injury, we were walking out, (ok ok i was pretty much tripping over my own feet to get away.) But as I'm making good ground to get back to my car (Alone!) I hear him say "Would you like a kiss?"
Many probable retorts were dancing around in my brain, including but not limited to-
"Would you like a face-full of pepper spray?"
I managed as polite a "NO THANK YOU!" as I could, and bolted.
It's times like these that make me thankful for the little things.
Like being single.
Like my apartment, and my dog, and my free time that I can spend not going on anymore terrible dates.
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