The best way to prepare for life, is to begin to live.

I want to travel.
And just like everything else in my life thus far, I have decided to take charge and make it happen on my own.
I want to see other countries. I want to go to Italy next year. Probably late in the year. But I will go. I have a bucket list of places I want to see, and this is step one.
I also think Tor and I will be making a weekend trip to NYC in the spring. Take the train in and just be ridiculous for a couple days.
It takes very little soul searching to confirm to myself again and again, that marriage and kids are not part of my American dream.
People tell me that will all change. Maybe they're right. Maybe not.
Either way, I love my life, and I want to live my dreams.
The concept of life has never made much sense to me, I think that's part of the reason why I can't fathom procreating.
We are born. We live for a bit. We die.
That's all.
Most people would say that it's important to have a higher purpose, live for something bigger. But why?
Even if you live a good life, and touch the lives of others, those lives die as well.
Even if you live a great life, and your name is remembered well after you're gone, it will only be remembered by people who will also inevitably pass away.
Here is where the God card gets thrown into the mix- if you live your life for God, you have something eternal.
Maybe.
But you're not you eternally.
All you have is now.
All you have is the breath in your lungs at this very moment.
The worst regret you could ever have, is a dream unlived.
So live.

Thoughts....

Love today. It's Wednesday, which means I get to sleep in and enjoy life the way I want. It's raining, and I'm happy when it's nasty out. Strange, I know.
So many updates on life.
I have a new job. I love it SO much. My bosses and co-workers are amazing. I don't wake up dreading my days anymore. I don't have to sit and listen to the same impossible complaints without solutions. I don't have to endure an endless mental beating, and catty digs. I am not made to feel inadequate and useless.
Instead, I laugh, and joke, and can talk to people without fear of "saying the wrong thing" . I am constantly thanked for a job well done, and truly appreciated, even though I still don't know everything, and still make plenty of mistakes. I talk to my patients with ease, I want to do well, I want to be a part of a team and invest in them, because I truly enjoy being there.
This is the first "Big Girl" job where I can honestly see myself putting down roots and calling home.
I really lucked out.

Abby turns one in a couple weeks! She is getting so big, and is turning that corner where she is no longer my naughty little puppy. I already miss it. (sort of...)

My home is pretty much complete. It took a year of slowly adding things, and bringing the details together, but when I walk through the front door I feel like I'm home, and it's really great.

My life is amazing, and it still seems unreal sometimes how much it's turned around over the past few years. With summer on it's way out the door, and fall rapidly approaching, it brings back memories of October 2007.
But this is the first year I don't feel that crushing remembrance about it.
This is the first time I see it as the beginning of the end.
I hit rock bottom so that I could climb my way out, and into something infinitely better than I could have ever hoped for.
I can't wait for fall.

D.I.Y. Goddess....NOT

It's been a week long procrastination.
Putting curtains up in my kitchen.
I had everything I needed, curtains, curtain rods, and my ever ready hot pink tool box.
Finally, this morning, I decided it was time to get serious and put them up.
Placed the attachments on the walls, ironed the curtains, got them positioned on the rods, climbed up on a chair to hang them and......FAIL.
The rod collapsed in the middle.
Not long enough.
"How can this be? I measured the window before I went to the store." I thought to myself.
So I re-measured the window.
52".
No no no. That can't be right. it was definitely on 36" when I measured.
Then the light bulb went off in my brilliant head, and I realized I had measured the OTHER window.
Apparently they are two significantly different widths, although i would have never noticed (or think to measure both.)
So, here I sit in my kitchen, thoroughly annoyed with myself, with one cute window, and one ghetto window.
There are now two instances where I wish I had a better half- brushing snow off my car at 7AM, and curtain hanging issues.
Happy Memorial Day<3

A Steady Diet Of Pain Pills...

Oh where to begin.
About a week and a half ago, my wrists started hurting.
Thought I was crazy.
Then my knees, ankles, fingers.....
Every joint in my body (except my elbows) killed.

Since my job requires dexterity, and i couldn't even hold a pen to save my life, I had to take some time off.
The morning I realized I couldn't hook Abby's leash onto her collar, I knew something was beyond wrong.
Off to the doctor I went.

Six tubes of blood later I was told that I was more-less making myself sick.
My body had alarmingly low amounts of Vitamin D, and I'm anemic.
I have been a vegetarian for almost a year, but I haven't been doing it right.
(Apparently pasta, salad, oreos and beer aren't a sufficient diet.)
I had a low grade infection, and was doing the best I could to fight it off, but my defenses were very weak.

Well, my MOTHER had it.
She threatened to move me back home,
(Yes, actually call my landlord and tell them I was unemployed so they'd evict me, and show up at the door in a Uhaul. Picture that.)
I did move back home temporarily. I camped out on the couch, and Abby was taken care of by my fam. I could. not. move.

So, I'm very thankful that I have such an awesome no-nonsense family, who will take care of me even when I insist I'm fine. They know better, and know how stubborn I am.

My mom sat me down at the kitchen table, and we started small.
She had me pick out my choice of sushi, (lobster rolls) and I had one.
Next night, she made me a sandwich with crusty Italian bread, and a little bit of rotisserie chicken.
Next night she gave me a little bit of pork chop that was so smothered in sauce, I couldn't taste much else.

Funny thing is, I stared to feel a lot better, and at this point I'm back at my place feeling better than I have in a while. Still not 100%, but definitely self-sufficient.

So it looks like I'm no longer a veg-head. I'm def. picky about what I eat now, but I see that I'm not invincible. I have to take care of myself.

More updates to come...

Today America Is Up In Arms About...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrKukbZjX8A&feature=related



Follow the link, and you will see why my coffee flew out of my mouth at 7 AM today.

So, they're 8 years old, they are performing in their dance recital. Not that anyone cares, but what is my take on these shenanigans?

I think these girls worked really hard, all year to perfect a dance that made them feel (and look) like big girls. Good for them.
Their parents, and choreographers on the other hand. Serious issues there.

Why any parent would encourage their daughter to wear a barely-there outfit and "dance" the way they did is beyond me.
Maybe I'm a little old school, but [i thought] dance recitals involved awful red lipstick , tap shoes with big goofy bows, freaking out that you cant wear undies, and actual talent.

Outside of some nice turns, these girls were really just air-grinding. Nothing remarkable.

Wonder what they charge for lessons.....

Every Have One of Those Days....

...where the words and conversations spoken are exhausting to the point that you just check out? Yeah. I'm there.
I'm just tired of certain places and situations.
I hear the same complaints every day.
My mind just ends up leaving the building, and going anywhere else. I think it's a strange survival tactic my psyche makes up. It works.
However, I'm not one to complain and claim hopelessness.
I have big plans.
And then I have bigger plans.
Nothing is forever if you don't want it to be.

Dinner Of Champions

Just have to say, my Saturday night is pretty much complete after pizza and coors light <3

Me and Abby ran away to my parents house for the weekend, I was able to just sleep, crash, and recharge. MUCH needed. It was great to spend a few days with everyone, and curled up on the couch with the kids watching the Yanks was pretty sweet.