Well, I have been inspired  by a fellow blogger, and added music to my page! (thank you OceanDreams:) So I do hope you enjoy a glimpse into my music library. 

Clarity's tip of the day: buy some new shampoo. It's incredible what a new scent can do to uplift your senses. This worked well for me today, try it sometime!

Do you ever....

....have a day that is just blah? 

 I woke up to pouring rain, drove home in pouring rain. My day wasn't bad, but wasn't anything incredible either.  I think I need a change of weather. It's April and still snowing ( we should have a few inches this weekend ) 

"I need the smell of summer, I need it's noises in my ear". 

And there you have the very seldom displayed pessimistic side of my personality, sorry you had to sit through that!

I hope you have all had a spectacular beginning to your  week :)

Happy Friday all!

Just wanted to say a quick hello before I start my day, it will be a busy one and I like to take just a few minutes in the morning to reflect while life is still quiet.  

I am posing a challenge to myself this weekend, it's going to be really hard. I am going to attempt to take an entire afternoon and do nothing. I think it will be on Sunday. I'm going to stay in, drink tea, read books, and ignore my phone. I think it's so important to have quit days every once in a while. Try it sometime, it's refreshing!

So sorry for my falling off the face of the earth, loves. Truth is I haven't been feeling very well lately and I tend to go into hiding when I'm feeling down. Good news is; I am perking up again. Perhaps a change in the weather, who knows. 

Last week was an ironic one for me. I left university in November 2007 after a suicide attempt. It was a long road to healing and I believe in some small ways I am still on that road. The irony is this: I was asked to be a guest speaker by one of the organizations on campus on the topic of suicide. 

The place I tried to die in, called me back to speak on the very issue that should have left me never speaking again. 

It went well though. It was well received and people were truly appreciative that I was able to be so real. I hope ears that needed to hear the message of hope were there. 

Why am I sharing all of this with you?

To be honest I haven't a clue. It's just on my mind.

The world we live in is so fast paced, and whispers a lie to us that if we do not live up to it's standards then we fail.

I HAVE NEWS.

There is hope. Life does not need to be a battle of waking up and drudging though your day. There is more to life than that! There is a way to feel better again. Please find help. If no one is around who you feel comfortable sharing with, I am always here and will do my best to plug you into a network of support. We were not meant to do life alone. 

I can speak as a survivor and honestly say I am glad I'm still here. I can't imagine not being here. I had so much to live for.

Not that this has anything to do with anything really, but I do quite enjoy the fact that no one close to me could find my blog if they wanted to try.

I use an alias.

I write very openly here.

I know that I will not be judged.

Odd. I feel more comfortable sharing my thoughts with complete strangers.

Blogs could put shrinks out of business I think. No? 

A Redemption Story

A frenzy.

But I see nothing.

A blur of life passes by.

The lives of others.

Lives that will continue after tonight.

I carry my broken spirit away and lay the pieces on the cold floor of a dark room.

I hope to let the pieces rest now.

Slowly.

Numbly.

Calmly.

I pour the last living part of me out. 

I lay down in wait for the darkness to consume me.

But it does not.

You have watched me tonight.

You were there the entire time.

You saw it all.

And you are unafraid.

Only now do my eyes open.

The darkness is still there.

But it will not take me tonight.

You are breathing life into the broken remains,

Of my body and soul.

And for the first time I am aware. 

I need you.

I need you more than the mirages I've been chasing.

They are the lies.

They are the darkness.

They are the lover who left me here to die.

But you.

You pick me up off the floor.

You take my broken heart.

And you hold me. 

The arms I've been longing for,

I realize,

Are yours.