Free at Last

Oh January. So glad to see you go.
My posts have been less and less on my blog and more with pen on paper in my journal these days. Sometimes I just need to slow it down and map out my brain in a permanent way. There is no deleting whats written in ink, and so no apologies to be made.
Just truth.

Anyways, January was filled with heartbreaking situations, and news.
But for the first time in a while I am seeing that harsh realities bring freedom.

For years there has been a deep rooted place in my heart where I thought that someday things could be the way they used to be.
News straight from the source, revealed that my biggest fear was true.
It will never happen.
Too much has changed, and in big permanent ways.
I'm not seventeen anymore. I'm going to be twenty-four.
And this was not what I imagined my life looking like.
All I could keep saying was "That was supposed to be me".

After an up all night of tears and raw hurt, the morning brought great clarity.
If that were supposed to be me, it would have been. My life is playing out this way for a reason.
Doors that I thought were still open as a backup option have been firmly closed and locked.
January brought several of these realizations. (I think I'm good for a while!)

So what now?

I'm investing in friendships.
I'm finding that having girlfriends isn't a bad thing after all.
These people are popping up out of the blue it seems, and our lives are syncing up to the same beat, so sharing life together is falling into place very naturally.
I'm meeting individuals who challenge me, push me, and like the same things I do.
Passionate lives are refreshing to be with, and i've tapped into an oil well of them.

I'm taking a big leap and pushing outside of my comfort zone.
I'm actually setting goals for myself. (yikes!)
They are covering the walls of my bedroom, so that I am forced to stare them down before I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up.
(pics to follow)
This is crazy though.
Many of them seem very un-liz-like, but how will I ever move my life forward if I keep running in the same circles of comfort?

For all of the pain that January brought, I am thankful for it.
I know I wouldn't have such clarity if I hadn't been forced to open my eyes to multiple truths.
I'm ready to jump into a full life with all that I am, and not looking back on what might have been.

*

life is
only
as good as the memories we make
and im taking back what belongs to me.