A Redemption Story

A frenzy.

But I see nothing.

A blur of life passes by.

The lives of others.

Lives that will continue after tonight.

I carry my broken spirit away and lay the pieces on the cold floor of a dark room.

I hope to let the pieces rest now.

Slowly.

Numbly.

Calmly.

I pour the last living part of me out. 

I lay down in wait for the darkness to consume me.

But it does not.

You have watched me tonight.

You were there the entire time.

You saw it all.

And you are unafraid.

Only now do my eyes open.

The darkness is still there.

But it will not take me tonight.

You are breathing life into the broken remains,

Of my body and soul.

And for the first time I am aware. 

I need you.

I need you more than the mirages I've been chasing.

They are the lies.

They are the darkness.

They are the lover who left me here to die.

But you.

You pick me up off the floor.

You take my broken heart.

And you hold me. 

The arms I've been longing for,

I realize,

Are yours. 

It's the most busiest time of the year!!!! ( most busiest is definitely grammatically incorrect, but oh well?)

Just dropping a quick note to assure you that I have not, nor will I ever abandon you. I forgot how crazy things tend to be this time of year, so I do apologize for neglecting my writing as of late. Never fear, I will be back soon but for right now I am off to my favourite six year olds' birthday party! 

My city looks like Narnia when it's blustery.

 

Didn't know berries grew this late in the season?

I had the absolute worst night of my life last night! I am sick (of course, what's new?) so I woke up about 50 times over the span of seven hours either completely freezing, overwhelmingly hot, drowning in my own drool or choking to death. It was amazing. And I'm sure you've just managed to gather the loveliest of images of my sleepy sick disgruntled self.  Wow, why do I do that to myself?

Anywhooooo....

I have been connecting with a group of individuals lately who I can truly have a great time with. I always have a hard time finding common ground with 85% of my generation, but I am so thankful that I am making a few strong bonds.  Funny thing is they were there all along, only now are we coming together. The most ironic part is that we have all felt so alone in our struggles to identify with our culture but, when we are together we seem to be our own little community. It's incredible. This must be what it feels like to have friends(?). Haha. 

Going to take a truckload of Viatmin C... any other suggestions? 

The dreams are still very real. I hate waking up nowadays. Not because it means that I have to get out of bed, but because I have to open my eyes and leave it all behind. I have to realize there is not a sleeping baby in my arms anymore, my body holds no life but my own, and the elation will not be felt again until I close my eyes the following night. It makes me impatient, and that small voice in my mind whispers to me that I will never have such things in my life.  

I cherish every minute of every day and I am not looking to fast forward the years of my life to get to that point, but my heart aches. My arms seem empty. My soul longs for the joy I feel in my dreams, and the joy that will far surpass anything I can imagine feeling. 

Winter time beaches are pretty.

I'm slightly handicap, apologies all....

So, being that I'm the smartest girl in the world I just realized last night that people were leaving comments on my posts!

I had no idea anybody even read my crazy ramblings, I am happily shocked! And I just have to say I apologize for my ignorance, I promise I haven't just been blowing you guys off. 

I also want to thank you who have commented for your incredibly kind and encouraging words, you are truly lovely. 

Have an excellent Saturday :)